Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely
Over the past year I have experienced my biggest shake up of friendships in my whole school life. Growing up, I’ve had my fair share of friend problems and changes, as most people do during high school, but this year has particularly stood out to me because of the change within myself that has meant I’ve approached the same issues with an entirely different perspective.
To put it bluntly, I don’t care anymore. Though negative in its connotations, this summary of my approach is entirely beneficial to me because of the healthy distance it provides me from damaging dramas and sour friendships. To say I don’t care doesn’t mean I’ve become cold and unfeeling towards everybody – actually, it has allowed me to pour more time into the people who matter most, because I am no longer stretching myself to be a friend to everyone (even when they weren’t a good friend to me). I have experienced an epiphany in realizing how much positivity, productivity and peace can come from moving yourself out from underneath the cloud of negativity that can float around certain people. Before, I had often felt obliged to remain in a painful position for the sake of maintaining a social connection – but through realizing that true happiness can be obtained through myself and not other people, I’ve created my most powerful connection yet: one with myself.
Many people remain in toxic relationships for fear of being alone. This is probably one of the mot significant human fears, because we’ve all felt it at one point in our life – after all, it is human nature to want to feel loved and cared for. What took me a long time to realize, and what I hope many people in this tough position can take power from, is the fact that the love and care we all crave does not have to be supplied by other people. We are only lonely if we do not have a healthy relationship with ourselves – taking time to become our own best friend can save us a lot of hurt and fear in the future if we were one day to find ourselves more alone than we are now. Certainly, that is the point I am at currently: though I don’t have as many ‘friends’ as I did a year or two ago, I feel more loved than ever before by working hard at my relationship with myself, and trusting in the strength that I never knew I had.
In today’s day and age, with the pressure to appear the best we possibly can, it is vital to take time out to learn to love ourselves. This post is certainly not anti-relationship, or advocating isolation: it is about learning to be comfortable in yourself, wherever you are, and to be your own best friend, no matter who you have around you. At the end of the day, you know yourself best and what you are capable of. Having this self-understanding can be a savior and a support in times where life can feel a little lonely. So today, try to be kind to yourself, and try to understand who is best to you – the number one person being you.
Thank you for reading x